Self-doubt SUCKS!

So J is in his fourth week of increased training, with Shelley working with him (and sometimes me) three times per week.  It has been a bit difficult to arrange for lessons due to conflicting schedules and health issues with both of us, so she has been primarily riding him while I am at work. 

I had a lesson on the 10th and it was VERY tough, but I learned a lot.  It was mostly working on the same things as we have been doing, keeping him quick in the hind legs, keeping him straight and bending him through his back.  We started off in the walk, working on honest responses to the half halt.  J is naturally very lazy in the walk and keeps his hind legs out far behind him, so I have to remember to keep his rhythm quick, half halt and then quicken his rhythm again.  And then let him get unbalanced so I can balance him again, not constantly nag him for it. Then we moved on to the trot and canter, mainly working on a 15 meter volte.  I would keep him very straight through little vibrations through my reins, keep both legs on (which is actually hard for me, I usually want to keep only the inside leg on, so I have to really concentrate on this), ask him to "fall" to the inside with my (primarily) seat and outside leg and then ask him to move forward onto my outside rein with my inside leg.  It was very quick and very tricky, as J can be a bit of a lug sometimes, which doesn't always work when the rider is trying to have quick aids.  He will use any holding in the reins to lean on, even in the most lightest way possible, but it still restricts him from folding his hind legs up underneath himself, which eventually creates the collection that we need for 2nd and 3rd levels.  Shelley had me sitting the trot, which I hadn't done a whole lot of since my surgery, and I felt like I was flopping all over the saddle like a dying fish!  Keith (my husband) was there for the lesson (bless his heart- and he even stayed awake the entire time) and swore that I didn't look like I was having an epileptic fit, but it sure felt like it!  I did have some positive moments, but it can be a bit frustrating as Shelley makes it look so easy! 

Unfortunately I have not had a lesson since, although not for trying.  We are (hopefully) going to do two lessons next week, so that will be very helpful.  I have been riding J in the evenings, even the days that Shelley has already ridden him, so hopefully his endurance level will be getting better and he will be more prepared for show season.  I am in a stage of not feeling very confident on my own, I feel like I am just ruining all the hard work that Shelley has done with him, which makes me not want to try and second guess everything I do.  I really want J to progress although at the same time, I worry that I will not be able to ride him at that level, so what's the point?  I don't know... sometimes I wonder why I don't take up crocheting instead!! Ha ha!

Fits like a glove!

So with all the riding that Shelley has been doing as of late, she has informed me that my saddle needed to be fitted, as it was moving a bit side-to-side and making the rider get behind the motion.  I little background on the saddle: it's a Sommer Savoie Flextra, custom made for and purchased from Horse Of Course.  Marty is the professional saddler who helped with the design of this saddle and was the one that fitted the saddle for the first few years.  I was very fortunate that Marty made regular trips to the area, so I was able to have him fit the saddle about every 6 months.  This saddle has a spring tree, so it tends to need more frequent fittings, but it is worth it.  Then a couple of years ago, Horse of Course basically fell off the map, not returning phone calls, emails, etc.  I was in desperate need to get my saddle fitted again and they were incommunicado.  I was so desperate that I had a fitter look at the saddle who was working on other people's saddles in my barn.  I was not a big fan of his thought process on how to flock the saddle, but I really needed the saddle fitted, so he and I compromised on it.  The saddle was better, but not perfect like it had been when Marty fitted it.  Then I moved to Marengo, to a primarily western barn, and I was really on my own in regards to a saddle fitter!  My trainer had found someone that she had recommended, so about 5 months ago I gave her a call and she agreed to come out to my barn.  I was very disappointed when she arrived- she did not deal with flocking on-site and didn't really know how to work with my type of saddle (the spring tree) she kept saying the entire time that I should buy one of her saddles and that the spring tree was bad for my horse and would eventually break.  Then she put my saddle in some sort of hydraulic machine, squeezed the tree together and called it a day.  She charged a large amount of money and (stupidly) I thought it would be okay for at least a little while.  It is now 5 months later and my saddle is really ill-fitting.  So I basically went on the Internet and started searching. 

I ran across a woman by the name of Dawna Ullrich, who is a County Saddlery Rep and a master saddler.  I emailed her and plainly stated that I was NOT interesting in purchasing a new saddle and that I just wanted to have my saddle fitted.  She was quick to response and scheduled the appointment for the following week.  Dawna arrived, 10 minutes EARLY, and promptly got to work, taking tracings of J's back and doing a palpation and examination of his back.  She was very thorough, much more than any previous saddle fitter that I had work on J.  She then concluded that my saddle needed more flocking in the shoulder area, as there was way too much room and that is why the saddle was moving side-to-side.  She also indicated that the saddle had a rocking point, so she was going to fix that as well.  She promptly got out her tools and bag of wool and got to work.  I'll save the boring details, but two hours later and two rides later, the saddle fit like a glove!  It was amazing to feel the saddle actually fit correctly- it had been so long.  It was a bit of an adjustment for J and myself at first, but we got into the rhythm of things.  It was interesting to find that I had been compensating so much for the ill-fitting saddle, allowing my position to get in front of him, just so I didn't get left behind him.  So when I rode in the "new" saddle, I was WAY to forward! 

Once I got used to having a place to sit and sitting on my seat bones again, it made a world of a difference in staying with his movement and ride him more off my seat and leg.  I rode him last night and he was great- worked on keeping him very straight through the neck, keeping my outside rein down and away from his neck so he can't lean on it and use it to balance himself and keeping him quick to my aids.  He did a really nice job!  My lesson was (unfortunately) rescheduled, but I will have one on Saturday, which will be my first one back since before my surgery.  I am definitely ready!!!

Training Wheels Required

I rode J "for real" on Tuesday night, and by "for real" I am referring to anything that consists than more of a pony ride!  We did walk, trot and canter and I found myself very unsure as to how to even approach this.  I had voiced my concerns to Shelley prior to even getting to the barn and she reassured me that J would be fine if he wasn't in "work" mode and to take my time getting my seat back.  But of course, I was concerned that I would ruin all the hard work that Shelley had done with J and all the progress that J had made.  So not only was I dealing with being unsteady in the saddle, I was dealing with confidence issues as well... GREAT! 

Shelley had ridden J earlier in the day, so I knew that he wouldn't be crazy or act up.  I tried to not focus so much on his position, suppleness, roundness, etc. and just make sure he was forward and off the forehand.  His trot felt very different, very springy and bouncy, and I was even posting the trot!  I felt like I had terrible hands, like they were stiff and not as soft as they can be.  It took a few minutes to get my balance worked out, but seemed to improve.  Since his trot is his most difficult gait, I didn't spend a whole lot of time in it and moved on to the canter.  The canter felt great, although I found that if I'm not really on the correct seat bones, he will change leads.  The biggest difference was his canter to the left, where he has always been very crooked and throws his haunches to the inside and bends his neck to the inside (I picture one of those roly-poly bugs when I think of this).  But when I asked him to canter, his hindend actually stayed under me and I had something under my right seatbone!  It was pretty incredible!  And I didn't even have to beg him for it, as Shelley had done such a great job of making him understand that this is the way we are going to canter from now on. 

So all-in-all, it was a good ride in that I got my rhythm and balance back (for the most part) and I had no pain during or after the ride, so my body is telling me that I am ready to ride seriously again.  However I am a little lost in the saddle... I just don't know what to do to help him and what not to do so I don't screw him up.  I won't have a lesson until next Thursday, so I will fumble around until then and hope that J can be forgiving!